Golf Club choice

One of the most leading choices a golfer can make is the selection of a golf club. Which club is the best?

My own personal selection is the one that has the best Long Island Iced Teas, short shorts on the female golf cart attendants and the oddest trophies on the wall of the club house.

Callaway Cart Bags

But either or not one chooses the five-iron or the lob wedge seems to be as leading as looking the cure for a weekend hangover for some of you, so here we go...

The Driver (also known as the one wood or flibberdegibbet)

Arguably, it can be said that the driver is the most leading club selection as morning meal is the most leading meal of the day. I mean a good healthy southern morning meal consists of grits with plenty of butter, home-made biscuits and white gravy, pork in some form or other and coffee picked by Juan Valdez that is strong enough to win back our Confederacy without a shot being fired.

So, choosing the literal, driver is simple...get the biggest, heaviest, more cholesterol-filled driver that money can buy and whack at it until you can get the ball 300 yards down the fairway.

Failing this, you should just hire a homeless guy to supervene you nearby the procedure and throw a ball out on the fairway at the proper spot.

The Three Wood (also known as the smaller woodie):

This club has an inferiority complex and should just be left alone in the golf bag to sulk.

The Irons (also known as the irons):

The irons are numbered from 1 to 9 and can be arranged in the golf bag to form underground numerical ciphers that can then be used to subtract strokes from your scorecard. They are pretty much interchangeable, since no one can nothing else but use them to hit anyone beneficial any meaningful distance.

The Pitching Wedge (also known as, you guessed it...the wedgie):

This club is used for snagging the under-shorts or opponents and causing them great humiliation and corporal pain in the nether regions of their respective golf knickers.

The Sand Wedge (also known as the Super Wedgie)

See the explanation above except add sand in the knickers...ouchie! It can also be used for removing snakes from sand traps.

And last but nothing else but not least,

The Putter (affectionately known as Carson's pool cue):

The putter is best known of the golf clubs. All the other golf clubs like to be seen with the gregarious putter. The putter can be alone in the golf bag and in mere minutes other clubs will jump into the bag just to be with this kindly club. Even the word "putter" sounds cute.

One thinks about a small motorboat as it putters nearby a golf procedure lake like the 97 year-old man who is in front of you putters nearby the green trying to sink his 47th putt. It makes me want to putt his putter where Yankees put their doodle.

So, actually, the putter can just go hang out with the lob wedge...which I have not even figured out is a legal club, yet.

Matter of fact, I usually Break my putter after I twenty-five putt the 18th hole while losing to my arch nemesis, Ralph Scrapple.

Yes! I break that putter and throw it to the ground in a fit of rising blood pressure that could make Mount Saint Helens look like a teenaged zit eruption.

So, this concludes our session on golf club selection...Now, where are those Long Island Iced Teas?

Golf Club choice